pop culture, reviewed

Have any of you people seen Blood Diamond?  If so, why didn’t you tell me that it would stress me out so badly that I developed an anxiety-related fever blister DURING the movie because I was so upset that the only way my body could react was to make my upper lip explode?  (Note:  It’s funnier to call it “oral herpes” than to call it a “fever blister,” but don’t start Googling it that way because you will get far more disturbing results.)

 Anyway.  We went and saw Blood Diamond on Saturday night and it was so upsetting that I wanted to:

(1) cry;

(2) vomit;

(3) leave the theater and not come back;

(4) throw my wedding rings down on the ground;

(5) sell the diamonds and send the money to Africa;

(6) call Bono just to discuss the African situation;

(7) vomit some more;

(8) refrain from having children because the world is so messed up and people are evil and seriously, what is the matter with us.

I did cry and cry — Jake asked me if I needed to excuse myself from the theater, which I did.  I paused in front of the trashcan immediately outside of Theater One just because I thought I might be sick, but luckily I wasn’t.  I almost didn’t finish watching the movie, but I realized that I actually did want to know what happened and I would never be able to sit through the first half of the movie ever again, so if I wanted to see the end, this was my chance.   

Now, three days later, I still haven’t stopped thinking about it.  Y’all know I love a movie that makes me feel like I got run over by a truck, emotionally speaking, but this was too much.  I could not handle it.  My upper lip is a testament to that. 

If anyone has seen it, why didn’t you warn me?

We have Hotel Rwanda from Netflix but I am pretty sure that  now is not the time. 

I did some research on conflict diamonds after seeing the movie because really, on Saturday night, it made me sick to look at the rings on my finger, but the info I found suggested that at its height, the conflict diamond trade accounted for anywhere from 4% to 15% of the entire diamond market.  That’s a small enough percentage that I no longer feel morally obligated to sell my diamonds and donate the blood money — plus Jake said, “Um, please don’t do that” — but I also no longer want the diamond stud earrings that I have always coveted.  Seeing a movie and Googling something for an hour doesn’t really make one an expert, of course, so I’ve calmed down a lot and quit overreacting, but if you are going to be getting  a diamond in the future, you should insist on seeing the documentation that proves that the diamond comes from a legitimate mine and is therefore conflict-free.

And yes, Leonardo DiCaprio was very good in this one too.