Out of Context
I know this isn’t much of a confession. It’s not as if I’ve just discovered global music, he’s a drug addict, a phone sex guy, the head of a religious cult, an ex-con, or married with four kids, a wife, and a minivan in Des Moines. But he owns a lathe, and I just found out.
We just moved in with each other, you see. And, along with bashed thumbs, bruised shins, sore backs, and woefully misplaced boxes which we won’t see again until the next move, this gave us an ideal opportunity to discover all the dirty little secrets… Continue reading
St. Patty’s Sites O’Plenty
ST. PATRICK’S DAY
wilstar.net/patrick.htm
For people who live by Cliff’s Notes. A simple one-pager on who the guy was, what he did and did not do, why he is commemorated, why he wished there was an electronic cigarette in his time and a variety of quality links. Oh, and great downloadables of “My Wild Irish Rose” and “When Irish Eyes are Smiling”.
IRISHFOOD.COM
www.irishfood.com/
Very comprehensive. Recipes, cookbooks, discussion groups, restaurant listings, services and suppliers. Unless you live in or are visiting Ireland, most of this is inapplicable. Click right to recipes. Meat lovers delight- Irish Stew (of course), Fillets of… Continue reading
10 Sites to 10 Sites to Visit if You’re Home Alone on New Year’s Eve
1. Six Degrees of Separation
www.cs.virginia.edu/~bct7m/bacon.html
Spend hours relating people to Kevin Bacon in six steps or less. Try other similar games. It may be passe, but you’re alone, so who will know if you beat the snare and play along?
beck2. Beck
www.rockonthenet.com/artists/info/beck.htm
Meet Beck. He’s a loser, too.
3. Unsolved Mysteries
www.unsolved.com
You’ve got some time on your hands- put it to good use. Either offer your well- founded opinion on what happened to D.B. Cooper, or ask others to help you find a life.
4. The 80s Server
www.80s.com
Remember the good old days when you wore… Continue reading
Denizine’s Web Reviews for
“They say this cat is a bad mutha” “Shut yo mouth.” I’m talkin’ ’bout Shaft. Can ya dig it? Here’s yet another multimedia shrine (job security for me) that breaks no rules, but provides trendy retro photo stills with headphones and borderline racist sound bites (“Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks) based on the 70s icon, John Shaft. Only three flicks to detail- Shaft, Shaft’s Big Score and Shaft in Africa (“He no rides camel. He rides ass.”). Pull some Nehru-sporting Richard Roundtree pictures, plot summaries, and quotes from each. The quotes are… Continue reading
Denizine’s Web Reviews for
Do you need an image change? Are you the cheerful sort of geek who ends up wiping mucus from the shoulder of his suit jacket when your melodramatic female “friends” go running back to their mysterious, tragic-hero, coffee-house boyfriends who love the American Music Association? If so, get on over to Gothnicity. This site claims it can teach you how to “be goth” in six easy lessons. Once you’ve got the hang of the look and the moves, you can try emoting appropriately with the help of the handy angst-o-matic. Visit the “Galleria du Goth” in your made-over soul.… Continue reading
Women In Sports
Shaq’s Slap: Shaquille O’Neal’s unexplained open-handed slap of Utah Jazz center Ron Ostertag last week, which netted him a $10,000 fine and a one-game suspension, has reminded us to make this bold prediction: Shaq will never wear a sports bra or the championship ring, at least not as a starter, in his career. How can we be so confident of this? Easy. Here’s a man with no love of the game of basketball whatsoever. Shaq loves the money, he loves the fame, and he loves his acting career (if you can call that acting). But he could really give a shit… Continue reading
Violence without Hockey
Chuck Chucks Schmuck: Heroic and intelligent Houston Rockets forward Charles Barkley started the regular season off in grand style this week by throwing a fellow bar patron through a wine rack and plate glass window. The ever-insufferable Houston Rockets’ forward, who seems to have been in as many bar fights as all-star games, is claiming self defense, which is becoming a moldy excuse. We can’t remember whether he claimed self defense the time he spat on that little girl, after which his diplomatic skills were rewarded by being named to represent the USA at the Olympics. When you’re just 6′ 8″,… Continue reading
Skatin’ With Satan
Halloween Greetings: What would the season be without a hearty bushel o’ Devil’s Night wishes to White Sox outfielder Albert Belle? In case you don’t remember, Albert was visiting his father last Halloween when some local trick-or-treaters rang the Belle family doorbell. Ignorance and rudeness apparently being hereditary, the senior Belle told the revelers to take a hike, to which they responded by egging his home. The brave and athletic Albert jumped in his vehicle and ran the children down, mildly thumping one of them with his car, for which he had to pay later. See, kids? You CAN get… Continue reading
Parole Models
As we prepare to open another long and boring basketball season, it would appear that the Bulls’ re-signing of will make this season somewhat anti-climactic at best and excruciatingly boring at worst. Since the championship is already a foregone conclusion, let’s concentrate on where the real action is: The ever-lengthening arrest records of the NBA’s top troublemakers. And no one can claim a larger selection of All-Star felons than my own Portland Trailblazers, known locally as the Jailblazers.
Blazer owner and Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, living proof that you CAN have too much money, built a new stadium here in… Continue reading
Alien Resurrection” Just Sucks”
To its credit, Alien Resurrection has a wonderful premise. It attempts to combine the worst of Hollywood’s sensibilities (hyperbole) with the best intentions: an amateur interest in fancy story-telling. Bringing back dead characters, it uses fine actors and a finer director, award-winning art-direction and special effects, and is filmed by one of the most stylish cinematographers in the business. Furthermore, it pays post-modern homage to British cinema (Ridley Scot and Terry Gilliam) and Philip K. Dick in a pastiche of comic-book cum absurdist metaphysics. But the result is that niether this film’s metaphysics nor talent nor even carry-over feminism and… Continue reading